I should be folding laundry while watching this, but instead I’m going to be live blogging. See the dedication? (Oh, all right, I hate folding laundry. So sue me.)

Yay, it’s time to start! That means I can put it on pause and go dry my hair. BRB.  Now then, where were we? Oh, yeah, opening credits. If I wasn’t so eager to fast-forward past the commercials, I’d be hitting that button through this. Here we go.

Oh, someone’s not there to make friends! Drink! I notice they’re not getting a chyron with their name. I’m going to presume this means they’re going home.

Hey, wait, we’re not done looking for aprons yet? Could’ve sworn we were. Guess that’s next hour. Let’s see how Howard does. He’s nervous as all get out; his voice is really shaking. Interesting flavor combo. Amaretto, too? Not a liqueur I’d picture with blackberries. I bet he’s through, tho. The question is, is Joe going to be an ass again today? Guess not. I never even saw him put that in his pocket. I wonder if he put it there just in case he wanted to pull that.

And here we go with the failure montage. Oh, jeez, the Air Force guy is wearing his technical training school rope. That’s just sad. I remember how proud my ex-fiance was over his; he wore it to his dad’s funeral, even though he’d been out of tech school for a year or so and it’s not authorized past that.

Now, that’s an interesting way to fix lobster. Yeah, I agree with Joe. It’s either going to work or not. There is no try. And it’s time for our first fadeout fake-out, so it’s time for me to pause it again and get dinner going. So, Joe’s willing to accept this bizarre combo as not a trick, where a popular PR dish was? Sigh. Yeah, I’m not forgiving you for that one any time soon, Bastianich.

Oh, Jordan thinks he knows better than the judges, eh? That’s the type of attitude that makes me hope his downfall is imminent.

I have to admit, I’m a fan of lamb. Glad to hear it’s becoming more popular, since it’s difficult to find without going to an ethnic grocery. Bit of trivia for you: Did you know it’s not shepherd’s pie if it’s not made with lamb? Most people make it with beef and still call it that, but it’s actually called cottage pie then. Of course, if you read this blog the last time I made that observation, you did. 🙂

They get to use every part of the lamb, eh? Can anyone say haggis? I know, not enough time. Oh, someone went down! Now Semiyra’s on my hit list, too. I don’t care if it’s a competition, you don’t shove someone so hard they fall. Marcus, you might want to listen to Joe. Cooking with hay? Interesting. Luca’s dish sounds good. I hope it comes out well.

This is the stage where they taste everything, isn’t it? Maybe not, the way they’re talking. Oh, wow, no, they’re going to cut people now. I agree with Krissi and Jessie. This is new, I think. I missed whoever Joe just told to go, so this is one time when I’ll be glad for the replay after the commercials. Hmm. He started elsewhere. I thought they should try James’ dish. Same for Brian. At least he can admit he was out of his league. That was three? Or four? The guy in the red shirt interviewing right now is who I thought Joe eliminated before the break. Geez, this is American Idol grouping. I can’t tell. Oh wait, James, Sasha, and Bime are in the group Gordon’s talking to right now. Surely they’re through? And they are! Yay. I don’t really recognize those being eliminated. I always wonder how producers do these things. Do they interview absolutely everyone and then only use those they know are going through?

There are some of my personal favorites in the tasting round. Bri, Luca. Good job, Malcolm. Good luck. This is the chick who pushed James down. I hope she gets eliminated. But she got a good review from Gordon. And I like her necklace. Ah, I disagree with Joe. You don’t need to put salt in everything. I recognize Malcolm as one of the unnamed talking heads from earlier, but I don’t know what that means, and we’re going to take a break first, of course.

Yes! Right choice. Ah, I just saw Eddie (? I think. The footballer.) in the in crowd. Ah, caramel popcorn lobster guy. And another Brian. His dish sounds really interesting. But I don’t like that kind of BS arrogance he just showed.  And he’s got tears in his eyes. Yeesh. I’ll take Johnny over this guy. Yay! Oh, yeah, Brian is roadkill guy. Glad he’s gone, he got through on a fluke.

C’mon, Bri! I’m concerned, now. It seemed like they really liked Nancy’s dish, and Bri’s a vegetarian, so I don’t know how well she cooked the meat, and it’s possible she tried too hard with all those sauces. It looked like it was medium-rare, which is a good choice for lamb, I believe. Woohoo! Right choice again, guys. One more to go. Luca! Luca! Luca! No 80s earworms here!

Again, it looks cooked to the right temp. Ah, this is the hay girl. Wait, lavender, mint, and apricot chutney? And rhubarb? Gag. I’m afraid the innovation will win her through, though. Oh, I agree with Graham, that would’ve been a nice finishing touch. And they both had sweetbreads. Here we go. Fingers crossed! Ok, talking heads analysis. Beth is wearing the same outfit, and technically, so is Luca, with the addition of his suit jacket. I’m worried, but I think he’s going through. I hope. Time to stop typing, unpause, and cross my fingers again.

Of course! I should’ve seen the dramatic commercial break coming. Time to fill up my glass with water and orange MiO, then. Wow, she made it. Wait a minute. Talking head? Gordon giving a lengthy good-bye speech? Keeping the fingers crossed . . . Yes! He made it. OK, looks like Pastor Kevin didn’t make it. Not super surprised. And Jessie did. Good. Hah! I love how Johnny’s carrying Luca off over his shoulder!

Now I’m laughing at myself. I was so involved in that, I forgot there’s another hour left! And people are copping stank attitudes straight off, I see. Hope they don’t get far. Bethy, huh? Don’t recall her before. Maybe she doesn’t last long. Not really liking Krissi. So far, I know the ones I like: Sasha, Jessie, Bri, Luca, Bime. Some may fall in my esteem, some may not. We’ll see. Ah, I forgot the footballer. Sorry, dude. And here it is time for the first a la Chopped challenge. I could see the tomato and bacon going on a baked potato. I can see bacon and a chocolate reduction. But I can’t really see it going with the other two. And I hear Gordon agrees with me. But instead of a balsamic infused whatever he just said, I’d put some balsamic in my chocolate reduction to drizzle over the potato dish. Except I’d want it to be a chocolate-infused balsamic vinegar so it’s less chocolate and more balsamic.

Yeah, I don’t think Johnny’s idea is going to cut it. Savannah’s dish sounds good. Not sure about Howard. That sounds risky. Natasha’s dish sounds good. Ah, now I see why she and Krissi are at odds. I kinda agree with her about Krissi, at least. Don’t know about Kathy. I do wish we could see the judges sampling. Don’t knock chocolate-covered bacon until you try it, Gordon.

Geez, Joe, what the hell do you have against Bime? You took Johnny’s trick, so cut out the fakery bullshit with Bime.

Yeah, I thought Natasha’s dish was going through. But she does have a bit of an attitude. I’ve seen worse, though. Hmm, Gordon has a point about the technique. OK, Joe, don’t give her any more of a swelled head than she has already. Ha! Having Krissi called up should help. Yes, anyone can do a frittata, but shut up Natasha. I hope Bime wins. Then they can both suck it. Ah, well. Now I can agree with Krissi.

I think Gordon might’ve talked her into the ingredient. Oh, cheese? She might not be able to cook with that. Ah, that’s why she was trash-talking Krissi from the balcony, she doesn’t have to. I’m betting it’s the cheese. But she wasn’t alone up there. Yep, I thought so. She gets to pick someone to join her. I’m pretty sure it’s a girl. I see Jordan made it through. Hope he goes home soon. She picked Savannah, huh? I bet it’s because she thinks she can cook better. Yep. Ah, she chose the langoustine. Interesting. I can’t remember if langoustine is a common sub for lobster tail or not. I seem to recall it is; or at least that’s why I bought it once, long ago and far away. As I recall, it wasn’t a viable substitute for eating with just melted butter. I’d want to actually *do* something with it.

Joe, quit picking on my favorites! Lobster mac ‘n’ cheese? Oooh-kay. And now Gordon’s interviewing Howard. Shut up, Krissi. Damn, I’ve used up my fast forwards, and now I have to suffer through ads for that horrible Andy Samberg show I won’t be watching this fall.

And now Natasha’s trash-talking Kathy, but it sounded like Kathy started it. Oh, Sasha’s dish actually sounds good. I notice Jordan’s not getting after her for doing Southern the way he did Luca for doing Italian. Let’s add Howard and Malcolm to my list of ones I like. I’m sorry to hear Graham praising Jordan.    I don’t even recognize that Asian guy in the plaid shirt they keep cutting to. I wonder if he’ll be going home soon. Hmm, are they tasting them all or a top three and bottom three again.

Yeah, Joe, you can take an instant dislike to someone. I don’t care for Krissi or Natasha right now. Ah, damn. Jordan’s a good cook. Guess we’ll have to put up with him this season the way we had to put up with fisher dude a season or two ago. I have to agree with Gordon about Howard’s dish. But not Joe. Oh, dear. I can only hope someone (not Eddie, Bri, Sasha, Bime, Jessie, Malcolm, or Luca) does worse.

Another commercial break I can’t fast forward through. Guess I’ll start folding laundry. Sigh.

Oh, dear, Luca’s in trouble too. Well, Lynn’s dish sounds good (formerly nameless Asian guy in the plaid shirt). Sounds like Kathy’s in trouble, too. Good. C’mon, Sasha!  Oh, dear, all my favorites are sinking, it seems. Jessie’s next. Yay! She did a good job. Whew. Natasha makes a bitch face. Jordan’s smack-talking Malcolm. Oh, jeez. I think one of my favorites will be going home.

And Jordan gets complimented. Ugh. Yay, Jessie! Yep, Howard’s in trouble, and now I hate Krissi even more. And Malcolm’s in trouble, too. Yikes. Sounds like Sasha’s next, but we’re doing the dramatic commercial break.

Argh! It is Sasha. Well, she’s the only one I really don’t want to go home. But she does. Wow. Howard made two bad dishes in  a row; I thought for sure he was gone. But I disagree with her about Krissi. Who appears to be from Jersey, judging by the previews.

Well, now I have to finish folding laundry. Catch y’all next time.

Nina Lisa

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