We open with Scott and Dr. Deaton getting ready to give a little dog a shot. His name is Bullet, and it appears the shot will hurt his owner more than him. Once the owner gets him outside, he runs down the alley. Oh dear. I hope his owner’s not a virgin.

Scott finds something in the dog’s sample. Dr. Deaton tells him it’s poisonous to both dogs and Scott. Scott guesses wolfs bane, but Dr D is referring to Scott’s human side. Mistletoe. Meanwhile, outside, I wonder for a moment if Derek’s trying to increase his pack to fight the alphas?

Cut to the much put-upon new English teacher, who is not happy to run into Derek in her classroom. I’m distracted by the fact that there’s a huge logo in the bottom right corner of the screen for a channel I don’t watch, which is obscuring the last half of the guest star names. But threatening Derek with a long pointer isn’t going to help you much, lady. Of course, he’s just there to check up on her, so we can lay groundwork for a) them hooking up b) her getting killed c) who knows?

In the locker room, Stiles is ranting at the top of his lungs that being a virgin is detrimental to his health, and he needs to get sexed up RIGHT NOW. Cue the funniest bit of tonight’s episode, so much I must transcribe it:

Stiles slams his locker shut, revealing Danny.

DANNY: All right. I’ll do it.

STILES: (Yelps in surprise. Disbelievingly) What?

DANNY: Come by my place about nine. Plan to spend the night; I like to cuddle.

STILES (Touched): Aw, that was so sweet. Are you kidding?

DANNY: Yes. I’m kidding. (Walks off).

STILES: OK, you don’t toy with a guy’s emotions like that, Danny. That’s not attractive, all right?

I can see the Daniles slash fiction now.

The coach walks in and tells the boys off-season cross-country training is mandatory for the lacrosse team, since he doesn’t want a bunch of fat asses. For some reason, he looks at Danny as he says this last. Coach, Danny is SO not a fat ass. Trust me; he’s a fine figure of a man. Hell, trust Stiles.

As the class/team/whatever prepares to set off, the twins try to psych Scott out. It works, but not on Scott, on Isaac. Cue lots of slow mo running, which makes the twins look damn good. Since I basically watched their previous characters grow up, though, I‘ve got a bit of an ick factor going. Their grins do look quite wolfish, however. Isaac catches up with them, and so does Scott. There’s going to be a bit of a stand-off until someone discovers Bullet’s former owner garroted with his pet’s collar. That’s rough.

The twins look genuinely freaked out at the display, which Stiles notices, but neither Isaac nor Scott are listening to him. Isaac accuses the alpha pack of doing it all. Well, he’s right about the girl who saved him, at any rate.

Cut to Derek’s loft, where he’s trying to deal with little sister, when Mr. Evil Clean and Evil Werebitch drop in. Good thing he’s not a vampire, because Evil Werebitch stakes him with a bit of iron rod that was evidently just lying around. Cue Deucalion.

Back at BHH (I almost typed MFH), Bianca Lawson is guiding the class in a French lesson, which Alison is snoozing through. Interesting; I thought most guidance counselors only did that. Maybe she’s a sub? After a stand-off about why the other one was at the bank, Alison gets lunchtime detention. Meanwhile, our favorite science teacher is talking about inertia and momentum. Scott’s trying to persuade Isaac not to do anything about the twins, but he’s not listening. As Danny answers a question, Isaac asks to go to the bathroom. The teacher lets him go, but when Scott tries to follow, Mr. Harris says his policy is one at a time. When Scott tries to persuade him it’s an emergency, we get a rather graphic hyperbole to assure us that Scott won’t be able to interfere in what’s about to happen.

In the hall, the twins confront Isaac. All of a sudden, one of them punches the other out. Isaac just stands there as the beating goes on. Twin 2 isn’t bothering to defend himself, and if you haven’t realized by now they’re setting Isaac up, maybe you should be watching shows for younger audiences. Sure enough, the class bursts out of the room as Twin 1 disappears while Danny rushes to his boyfriend, now lying bloodied at Isaac’s feet. As Danny helps him up, Twin 2 says Isaac just came at him for no reason.

Meanwhile, back at the loft, Deucalion’s claiming he’s decided to be straightforward with Derek. He even makes Mr. Evil Clean let Cora go at Derek’s request. He also calls Evil Werebitch either Kylie or Carly; his accent makes it rather unintelligible, but Evil Werebitch is much more fun to type.

Scott chews out Isaac for letting the twins get to him, but the latter points out Twin 1 flirting with Lydia, which angers Scott. Isaac says “Now they’re getting to you.” and walks off. At least we know Scott still feels protective towards Lydia. In a different hall, Stiles is frantically asking most recent dead teen’s girlfriend if he was a virgin. Quite rightly, she slaps him before the deputy escorts her off, but she does tell him Kyle wasn’t a virgin. SSS demands to know what’s going on. Stiles tells his father he’s trying to find a pattern. I’d forgotten that SSS isn’t up on all the werewolf hijinks.

We check in on the goings on at Derek’s loft, where Deucalion and the Werebitch are exhorting the joys of killing your pack. Not sure why that’s a requirement for joining an Alpha pack. Although it might just be Deucalion’s.

At Kyle’s locker, Stiles sees Boyd slip a JROTC note into the handle. His friendly greeting is rebuffed, but Boyd tells him they were in JROTC together. Cut to Isaac and Alison pulling their lunchtime detention duty, straightening out the janitor’s closet. Isaac’s visibly uncomfortable, but I put it down to being there with her. It isn’t until someone locks them in and he has flashbacks of his father locking him in the chest freezer that I remember why he has claustrophobia. He wolfs out, but Scott manages to free them before he can do Alison any more harm than two deep scratches on her arm. He apologizes and she reassures him and Scott that it’s not Isaac’s fault. I wonder what that’ll mean? A scratch on the back of the neck gives you memories, a bite transforms you. What will a deep scratch on the arm do? Scott acknowledges that the twins seem to be trying to get someone hurt (or killed?). Isaac asks if they’re going to do something. They are.

Stiles, as is his wont, is babbling. He’s babbling to Lydia, and he drops the fact that the Evil Twins are, in fact, evil. I wonder if she’s going to warn Danny, or tell Stiles to, but that question will remain unanswered. (Also unanswered is whether or not Lyles will be happening this season.) Instead, she tells Stiles that the deaths all sound human, so maybe he should talk about them to a human. She means his father, the sheriff.

Back to our gleesome threesome, as they pay back the twins in kind. Allison’s hotwiring one of their motorcycles, and gives Isaac a quick lesson on how to ride it. At the same time, Scott’s showing off various motorcycle parts in class to the disbelieving duo. As Isaac rides the bike down the school halls, twin 1 runs to confront him. “Get of my bike!” he yells. Isaac takes the helmet off and says, “No problem.” He shoves the helmet at twin 1, and then somersaults over him to join Scott and Alison a safe distance away. Students pour out in time to watch the new English teacher tell Twin 1 he’s going to be suspended.

Stiles and I have a better idea about the human he should talk to. Someone who knows a little bit more about what’s going on in Beacon Hills mystically. Dr. Deaton. I’d forgotten that SSS didn’t know the whole story, but Stiles reminds us all of it here.

Derek’s loft. It turns out that killing your pack mates gives you their power. Deucalion obviously thinks he’s a god. Except he phrases it as Alpha of alphas, rather than alpha and omega. After his outburst, Werebitch pulls the rod out of Derek and the three leave him and Cora to ruminate on what just happened.

BHH. Lydia’s in a fugue state again, which Danny pulls her out of by complimenting her artwork – in music class. The teacher didn’t show up, so the kids cut loose. Lydia notices a tape recorder on the piano and plays it. I can’t make out what she’s hearing.

Vet’s office. Dr. Deaton corrects Stiles’ (and quite a few others) misapprehensions about druids and human sacrifice, properly translating druid as (Irish) Gaelic for wise oak. I do wonder what he’s been denying for the past ten years, tho. Is he a druid? They’re interrupted by Lydia’s call.

At the school, they sort through the music teacher’s things while Dr. D recites a list of people whose sacrifice would give this guy power. When he reaches warriors, Stiles makes the connection. He’s found a copy of the music teacher’s military wedding photo, and tells them Kyle was in JROTC with Boyd. As he tries to call him (and why would he have Boyd’s number if they’re not friends, as Boyd already stated?), Lydia gets a strange look on her face. When pressed, she admits there’s someone else with a military connection. Cut to the plaque on the science teacher’s desk, bearing the West Point Cadet’s honor code.

Concurrently, Isaac and Scott are headed for a confrontation with the twins. Twin 2 takes his shirt off, and so does twin 1, which you and I know is not a good sign. Scott is first confused, then appalled. Isaac thinks he and Scott can take the merged twins. Scott and I know better, and yell at Isaac to RUN!!! Just as they’re about to receive a beat down, the Alpha of alphas appears. The twins unmerge and stand at attention. Deucalion uncaps his cane, revealing a rather sharp arrowhead, and slashes both twins across the left cheek with one blow, then recaps it and walks off. They meekly fall in behind him and leave, but not without shooting glares at a befuddled Isaac and Scott. For once, Scott knows the answer to Isaac’s query of “Who the hell was that?”

Our newest intrepid trio arrives too late to the science teacher’s abandoned desk. When Stiles notices that one of the grade papers has a grade of R, and Lydia shows him one with an H, Dr D. takes the opportunity to teach them another word of (Irish) Gaelic. Darach (Duh-RAWK). It means dark oak, and is the term for a druid who has gone down the wrong path. So that means there’re two big bads this season.

Derek’s loft. In an effort to protect him, Derek is kicking Isaac out, claiming that Cora is taking all his time. When Isaac protests, instead of bothering to explain, Derek repeatedly orders him out, finally throwing a glass at the poor guy. Way to be like the kid’s unlamented father, Derek. At least Isaac knows he can turn to Scott.

We finish with the science teacher bound to a tree. He begs for his life, saying he “did what you asked”, to no avail. As the camera zooms out from his garroted corpse, we’re left to wonder what he did, and if this darach is someone we’ve already met. Mr. Harris’ involvement with the kanaima last season springs to mind. Of course, sans Colton Haynes, I guess we’ll never know.